In Love Again
The story of our family life
Dearest Divine Father,
I have day off today and i am alone -
I am 42 years old married woman and
I have never been so happy as now
At age of 25 I met my husband. Soon I realized that he was very selfish and ego-centred but I fell in love with him very easily. It was the first time in my life to be really in love - I felt ready to do every thing for him even to die.He was very intelligent, well educated and had a good social position and all this matched exactly what I was looking for. I was pleased to have him, to show him to my friends to my relatives but I was not sure if he loved me.
We had never made any commitment, I even can not remember if he ever told me he loved me, he just said "I want you"- the first time when he made love with me and it was the only loving word that I heard from him. But I somehow did not mind, I was content with what i have - I loved him and this made me feel happy but I never told him, i kept silent, thinking he realized every thing - he was smart. I thought my eyes radiated my love for him.
I still keep in my memory very delightful and romantic moments from that time - we were sitting close to each other, I caressed his hand and looked at his eyes and I felt so much love and happiness, I felt like in heavens. From that moment on I was sure he was the right one for me.
I wanted badly to have a baby from him but I just told him that I
sure I was able to get pregnant. "We will try it out!" - was the only
When I understood I was pregnant I felt in heavens again but when I
told him he got shocked and not ready to enjoy it. He was not able to
share my happiness.
We had our first daughter - the fruit of our love. She was so
beautiful and I fell immediately in love with her. I was happy again
and I focused all my attention on her but I forgot my "older baby boy".
He got jealous and
used to drink several beers every night before to go to bed and find me
I did not need sex anymore, if I accepted some it was just to please
for a short while.
The next baby was due at Christmas. A couple of weeks before we took
our 1 year-old girl to my parents in other city and left them to take
care of her for a while. The first days without my baby - my sun - my
love, was a real nightmare for me. I had no love at all, I was so upset
and frustrated that I could not enjoy the new-born baby - I was crying
under the pillow for my sunny girl. She also was crying, missing me - I
had abandoned my baby...
I started giving all my love and attention to the small baby - a
She had very sad face and she could not cry the first few days.
Fortunately I had enough breast milk and she became pretty very soon.
My husband lived in his world - his job, that he hated, his beers in
front of the TV every evening.
I started my medical practice and I devoted all my energy and
life-force in this direction. I wanted to improve, to study more and to
become more capable to heal and to help. I often ignored my children
and husband for the
benefits of my career. I was tired and occupied with my studying many
when they needed me.
I had never thought about this - I accepted the situation as my
did not try to change anything. I sow some people - really happy, some
- sexy and enjoying being females.
Few years later my husband left his career in the military and
started small tourist business. His life changed a little bit. He
stareted traveling a lot and met new people, other women and
girls. I supposed he had sex with some but I did not mind.
Suddenly my husband was beaten half-dead and he needed more then a month to get well. With God grace he recovered completely. This accident was the turning point of our life. I was scared of losing him. He was scared of death and started to ask -
"What is the purpose of the life?
A friend of his came and brought some books about the path of the souls and others, later we read "Autobiography of a yogi" by Paramhansa Yogananda and this book showed us the way to escape this world of imperfection and suffering.
My husband looked for a Guru to teach him Kriya yoga
and the first one that God helped him to meet was Hans.
My husband read a lot of spiritual books and tried differant
technics- 6 months playing and singing Indian songs, more than 6 months
I was interested in the spirituality but i had not found my path yet. I couldn't understand what my husband was doing but i accepted everything as the right one for the benefits of our family.
Later we left Bulgaria and came in USA. At the beginning we had hard
time to find a job. At that time we lived pretty close to the Sri
Chinmoy center in San Diego. I had some friends in Bulgaria - disciples
of him. I had read some of his books and i respected him a lot. So I
decided to visit this place and apply for being accepted as a disciple
of his. I was accepted and I
started to meditate with the other disciples in the Meditation center.
My husband was very unhappy, I had my center but he has nobody. He wanted to visit Hans in Philippines. We were very short of money but God help him to work more and to make some more money to pay for this trip. I gave him all my savings, I excepted some changes to occur in our life after his visit.
He spent 3 weeks with Hans, I enjoyed to be alone. When he got back he told me:
-We should change our life - love each other or divorce!
I was surprised but agreed with him that we have the right to find the happiness.
The very first day after his arrival back I was attracted by him - he had changed. He radiated love, energy and some kind of male force. That night I spent in the same room with him. Next day I was very excited he wanted to divorce but I had just one thing in my mind- I wanted him, I had my sexual desire again.
So I wanted him but I was not able to tell him. I tried once but I
started crying and then again many hours inner fight. Finally he helped
me to "spit it up" and he started making love to me. It felt so good, i
cried all the time but these were tears of happiness and relief.
We had a long way to find each other after 16 years of marriage.
andWe made our wish to do every thing to reach the true love and happiness.
So I decided to quit the Sri Chinmoy center and to go with my husband to meet Hans. I was very curious to meet this person that did miracle to revive our buried love.
We both worked hard to save money to make our trip to Philippines. The will to improve our love, sex and spiritual path inspired us.
I read every thing from the web site of Hans and I loved every single word of it but I missed something to believe that it is really possible.
After 5 weeks in Philippines with Hans I know what I had missed - His LOVE, His LIGHT, His POWER - coming directly from God!
Hans taught us how the sexuality does work, how to improve our love and happiness, how to open our heart and let the love flow freely, how to dissolve the ego and the pride - the two big enemies of the love.
Now I know what is the purpose of my love - to make my husband happy every second , to give him all my love and receive all his love. We make love any time we want to and our sex is getting more and more uplifting and satisfying.
I am happy and try to make others happy. I practice Kriya yoga every day.
I found the purpose of my life with the Divine help of Hans- our Beloved Guru!
I bow to the Divine feet of my Guru to offer him my
heart for ever.