New Feeling About Death

Bumping Heart

Since my early childhood I was afraid of death - feelings about death were scary. I could not imagine to touch a dead one or a dying one or be in close proximity. But after the age of 40, when my life changed as a result of my firm decision to spiritually grow, I said to myself that it is time to dissolve my old feelings about death. Fortunately God showed me the right way very soon. I became a nursing assistant. For those living in USA a nursing home is something well known for millions of people here end up their lives in such places. For me it turned to a place to solve my spiritual blockages.

For more than 3 years I have been working as a nursing assistant and during my practice I have seen many different places including the largest hospitals in Southern California (almost all units), rehabilitation centers, nursing homes and assisted living facilities as well as thousands of patients and residents.

It happened early February 2003 at one rehabilitation center.
Since I work for an agency, staffing many facilities, I go different places ( where it is needed ) but at that time I had often worked at that place.

There was a patient there, in a private room, nobody wanted to work with. His door was always closed and when he needed something he put his light "on" to let the nursing staff know . He was always gloomy. getting angry very fast for no reason, talking violently and abusively to the people serving him. Simply a very difficult person.
So, it happened to have him in my assignment for a few times.

Feeling Death

One day, early afternoon, I went there for work and I got him again. But the charge nurse told me that he just died and there is no need to go into his room. The body was still in the room. And because I was curious to see him again and observe my feelings for death I entered the room very soon. I closed the door and got to the bed. The body was lying there still and silent. I touched his face and left my hand on his forehead, relaxing for a while and feeling death. Suddenly I felt something in my heart and for my big surprise it was happiness and joy flowing through.

O my God!! I was happy for that man who just dropped his body.


Because he was suffering all the time in his loneliness ( who wants to stay with so difficult people and to visit them?), as well as from extreme physical and emotional pain.

A new feeling about death came into existence.

And I instantly realized the purpose of death - a new chance to step into freedom on the way back home to God. This must be the way we feel when someone is dead.

With heart filled with happiness I thanked God for His infinite Grace and Wisdom.

with love


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